So I obviously I’ve been slacking on the blogging. I just realized it has been three months since my last blog!!! Well, I am woman enough to admit that just as my blogging has been slacking, so has my lifestyle change. The first quarter of the year, I met my weight loss goal and lost 13 pounds. The second quarter of the year, I did not meet my weight loss goal and only lost 1 pound. So far this quarter, I have been down 3 pounds, up 3 pounds, down 3 pounds, up 3 pounds. At my lowest, I lost 17 pounds, but I haven’t weighed in 3 weeks . . . kind of afraid to weigh to be honest. 230 feels like SUCH a barrier to me. I have not weighed less than 230 pounds since Naomi was born, 5 years ago. I hit 230 several times in the last couple of months, but then I will go back up 3 pounds . . . so frustrating, yet I know this is a head thing. I have modified my 3rd quarter goal to merely breaking that 230 pound barrier and staying under it. I am going to weigh in again Monday morning to find out where I stand.
As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, my greatest struggle is nutrition. I know my daily battles with nutrition will be a lifelong war. Some days I am able to let go of my addiction and surrender it to the Father and some days I feel myself completely fall apart. Some days the desire and urges are stronger than others, but I am determined that, though I may lose some battles, I will win this war. On my way to meet with my nutritionist, Ginny, last week, I was slightly discouraged and, in all honesty, kind of dreading meeting with her. Although I had not gained weight, I had not lost weight either. I realized, although I have been able to maintain what I have already lost, I did not feel the motivation I did 6 months ago. I know that the motivation will return, but, if nothing else, I want to make sure that when the motivation does return, I am starting from a better place than I did in January of this year. Even if I am only able to lose 20 pounds a year, I will still reach my goal in 5 years. 5 years might not be as quickly as I would like, but the pressure to lose weight “quickly” is more a feeling of failure because I feel others around me are “more” successful than me. I have to continually remind myself that my goal is not simply weight loss, it is a lifestyle, lifelong change. If it takes me a little longer to meet my weight loss goal, but I am really achieving the lifestyle change that is the root of my goal, then I am not failing!!! I am still determined to achieve my goal and will continue to struggle and fight to do so.
As much as nutrition is a struggle, exercise has become an encouragement to me. In fact, my discouragement over the last 3 weeks has been directly related, not so much to my struggle with nutrition, as to my lack of exercise. It all started with vacation. I was bound and determined to work out even while on vacation because, as I said, exercise energizes and encourages me. On day 2 of my week long vacation, my sister, mother, and I kicked tail from an exercise standpoint. After watching Xtreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition a week or so before, my sister and I were bound and determined that if a 400+ pound man could climb the 100 floors of the Sears Tower, we could do the 25 floors of our hotel in Daytona Beach. We took single steps for 2 floors then every other step for 2 floors, alternating all the way to the top. I had to take a 30 second break every 8 floors and will admit that, when I got to the top, I was sucking wind so hard that my throat hurt, but we did it in just over 8 minutes. I thought that was freakin’ awesome. We then went and walked/jogged the parking deck 3 times, and, to finish off our workout, I did the stairs up the 8 floors to my condo. I did a total of 33 flights of stairs that day and, according to my sister’s cell phone app, our entire workout was approximately 4.75 miles in just around 45 minutes. The problem is that after that day, other than casually walking the beach, I did nada, zip, zilch. I think I would have been okay with that as long as I got right back on it once we got home, but, once I got to work the next week, I was so far behind that I did not go to the gym . . . not even once. Then this past week, the craziness of work continued (i.e., end of month and the beginning of P&Ls) and I only made it to the gym twice . . . once for a 30-minute session with my trainer, Louis, and once for 45 minutes of wally ball. Those workouts were great, but I hadn’t done hardcore cardio in 3 weeks!!! It is easy to make excuses . . . I was on vacation, I had to catch up at work, my home life changed and I had to adjust . . . but the truth of the matter is that I could have gone for a walk/jog when I got home at night, but I didn’t. I let myself be slack and now I was discouraged and unenthusiastic. I was dreading trying to do cardio as it had been so long, and I knew that my body would have some ground to make up after 3 weeks of no cardio. Ugh! I made up my mind this past Friday night that on Saturday there were no more excuses and I was going to get up and go for a walk/jog first thing in the morning.
Yesterday morning, I got up at and headed out for my walk/job at 7:30AM. I started with 15 minutes of stretching, then started my heart rate monitor, and off I went. That 50 minutes was the most amazing and clarifying time I have had in a long time. As I was walking, I was prayerful & thoughtful. My thoughts were clear and concise. My spirit was soaring. Every step I took, I felt my spirit rise . . . I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I began to think about how, just as in the spirit world, exercise is a matter of my mind/soul and spirit over flesh. I began to think of that 350+ pound girl/woman that I once was. As crazy an analogy as this may seem, my body and mind were like a spoiled child at that point in my life; they were completely driven and led by my flesh. My flesh wanted food . . . every type, every kind, and lots of it . . . but my flesh did not want to be pushed to exercise. My flesh didn’t want to get up and move, to sweat and be uncomfortable, and I allowed my flesh everything it wanted. I did not love myself enough to discipline myself. Loving parents discipline and train their children. They teach their children that there are times that they cannot have everything they want, that there are times that a “no” is necessary for their safety and protection . . . for their wellbeing. I rarely, if ever, told my flesh, “no” and forced it come into submission to my mind and spirit, and, as I’ve learned, our flesh is not concerned about our wellbeing . . . only its own pleasure and comfort. As I began to jog, my legs began to burn, my heart rate increased, my breathing became labored, I started to sweat, and my flesh wanted to stop . . . but my mind said, “NO!” My mind began to remind my spirit that I am capable, that I not only can I do this, but I will do this! My mind and my spirit commanded my flesh to push through, to keep going, and, as my flesh came into subjection to my mind/spirit, I felt so inspired and motivated . . . it was exhilarating. I had SO missed working out . . . missed cardio. Yes, I was feeling adrenaline and endorphins, but I also realized that exercise is a form of worship! I know, I know . . . you must be thinking, “WHAT?!?! WORSHIP!” Yes, worship!
It is so easy for us to think of worship just in the sense of hymns & prayers, but it is so much more than that!!! We do not only worship the Lord with our mouths; worship is not just words and meditation and prayer. As I was jogging, I realized that every cell of my body was worshipping my Creator!!! I was pushing my body, and I everything within me was exhilarated and overjoyed. My flesh, under subjection to my mind and spirit, was doing exactly what my Creator created my flesh to do. What better description is there of worship than a creation being and doing exactly what it’s Creator intended for it to be and do!!! Worship was pouring out of every cell of my body, it was flowing through my veins, and, finally, it began to pour out of my mouth. I began thanking the Creator for my legs that carried me, the adrenaline & endorphins that were literally lifting my spirit, the wind blowing on my face . . . the list just went on and on. WOW! It was one of the most AMAZING moments of my life. I am inspired. I love those quite “cuddly” moments with my Savior, but I am so looking forward to my next cardio worship session as well. It was one of the most honest and authentic forms of worship I think I have ever experienced. I encourage each of you to try it. You don’t have to run or jog or jump rope . . . just walk. Just push yourself to do a little more than you thought you were capable of doing. If that is just walking around the outside of your house once or twice . . . do it! Do it for a week and then push yourself to increase it to 3 or 4 times around. Push your flesh to that point of discomfort where your mind and spirit have to tell your flesh to “SHUT UP”! Once you are able to break through that point . . . on the other side is something so wonderful words can hardly describe it . . . accomplishment, triumph, exhilaration, joy . . . and worship.
